Hari Raya & stuff

Ok so this post is not really about hari Raya..... Basically I ate 95% of the cookies and my mum ate 5% yeah enough said. 

These days I've even feeling really really down. And I ignored most of my friends , pretty sure they're offended. I'm just really depressed I don't want to talk to anyone. Most of them got offended and stuff , yellow guy is the only one that didn't mind my rudeness and bitchiness , he even comforted me ^_^ what a nice friend xD the one that understood me the most was probably Wilson. Ugh I seriously feel like dying ._. I was practically a living zombie these past few days. When will I get better :( I'm really trying my best! But it's just so hard. I'm trying my best not to go back to the past , where I seek pleasure from hurting myself. I'm really trying to be positive. It's been 3 years already , when will I be free from these negative feelings? Probably never. I should just go back to being emo , although all the harm might stunt my growth and end my life but at least , I was happier .. 

From now on , I won't label any posts that is related to my negative feelings so less people would come across it and less people would judge and I'll still have a platform to vent my frustrations. May the world be a happier place <3 

Random emo post :(

Seriously before anyone calls me an attention seeking whore. Do note that I'm only venting my frustrations here because I know very very few people reads my blog because I only share it on my ask.fm. Also , what I'm gonna share..... Most readers prolly won't understand because again , only very very few people knows what I'm gonna say and those very very few people aren't gonna read this blog since very very few people knows about this blog and even fewer people reads it. Ok OMG what's up with me and very very few. Um well sphere it is.... Don't read if you hate me ahahha a you're gonna ate me more ;))

I have a feeling that one day , if we're ever gonna break up , I'll be the one hurting and he's just gonna be like :  cool I don't really care. I know we're like only 14 so we "do not know what is love" but what I'm saying is not just about love but any form of relationships. When one day , it just breaks apart. I know ours is gonna break apart one day , I know I'll be the one hurting. So why did I even accept in the first place? Why was I such a fool? :( yes I did like him for real that was why I accepted but why couldn't I have rejected and waited for my feelings to die out? Why did I acted on impulse? Because of that moment of impulse , I'm going to hurt more in the future . Reality sucks , it really does. We're so awkward Idek why and I hate awkwardness. Seriously , I think the whole world will think that I asked him for stead ._.  Well do I look that despo ? It's not that he's bad but I kinda was going through the getting over him when people kept pushing me to him & stuff just because they shipped us. So because of those , I failed to get over him ._. That's why in prolly going to be hurt in the future. 

Where there's love , there's pain

Where there's pain , there's smiles

Where there's smiles , there's agony 

Ok that was random and stupid pls ignore the above thank you and have a nice day but this blog post is not over yet so hi again. 

Getting into any forms of relationships will hurt you a lot , a lot. Whether it's kinship , friendships , bgr , friends with benefits or anything. Because we are still humans , we cannot control our hearts , we still develop feelings no matter how hard we try not to. 

The more I think about it , the more I think what brought us together was fate . But somehow I sense that , although we were fated to have gotten very close and gotten into a bgr (ummm it's awkward to say this myself) , we are not destinied to remain that way . 

I'll just remember those as painful memories. There's a reason why I hate to think about the past , most of time , it hurts me. More than 90% of my past is filled with hurt. Thus , I rather look at the future and present. Although the future seems to be bleak and filled with uncertainty , it is my only hope. Because , my present is really painful too. 

Feels weird saying these since I'm known for my hyper image. I sincerely hope no one reads this . Yeah call me fake for saying that but posting it , I only have a "don't judge" to say to you .

May the future be bright and filled with hope❤️

Newspaper Collection

Weeeeeeeee~~~

Went to collect old newspapers today! It was surprisingly quite fun! But at the same time , it was energy-draining. 

After the newspaper collection , I went out with Charlotte , Lionel and Kai Ting!

Snapped some pics too 

These are all unedited pics HAHAHAHAH no filter too .

I think I kinda stopped using filters permanently 

A pic with Charlotte T.T I'm so lucky /cries

Don't ask why I look so awkward and shitty in group pics.....

Yay strawberry shortcake from macdonald! Yumz

Collaged the pics!! 

Had fun with them and it was fun to walk home with Charlotte.

History Learning Journey

So yeah today we went to a museum and a cemetery. Not sure where cause tbh I wasn't paying attention HAHAHAHA. Partnered Aisyah. We spent $16 on snacks AHHAHAHA we ate till we were so full and had to bribe people with snacks when they found out. Had so much fun with Aisyah. When was the last time I smiled so much? Can't really remember.... Hope to be able to spend more time with her in the future. I cherish every minute and second with her! Not les tho hahahah just miss our primary school days a lot. Here are some pics

Ignore the pen on my chest pocket

William smacked me several times with his paper T.T so mean

Like I said before , ignore the pen...

Btw all the pics are natural , unfiltered , unedited :-)

Ok let's not talk about how my face looks the same in the last three pics. 

Finally the second last photo. This is not shown anywhere. Only my blog! (For now xD) but I seriously don't think I'll upload this. Oh yeah the only pic that was filtered because it was taken with aisyah's phone . She's so dumb HAHAHAHA she kept asking me to take using her phone because she doesn't know how to hold her phone ._.

Last but not least , the collage of all the pics taken using my phone . 

Oh and yeah we uploaded a video on Instagram too. Check it out maybe? :D ate so much today. So full and tired. Everything was fun except for the cemetery. Really enjoyed my day with this awesome bitch that I've been friends with since primary one ahahahah I remember  her Winnie the Pooh ring. 

3/7 update

Made some cookies for wushu later. Will bring along some almonds and potato chips too. Currently snacking on chips whole watching tv.

Lunch was horrible. Ok I exaggerated but it's disappointing. The veg tasted gross. Ew veg ew veg. In the end I just ate the meat and rice LOL. 

There was height and weight today and I was so disappointed because I didn't grow taller. Not only that , I also gained 5kg. I asked around , Jin Lin and Hamirul said I didn't look like I gained weight. Last term's weight in at school , I was 40kg. This term , I'm 45kg. Idk why so fat T.T my height remained the same though. I swear I felt that I grew a centimeter. Where did I gained weight? Last term my skirt was pretty loose and now it's a lil tight. Just a little yeah. Maybe I gained muscles? That's why I gained weight? Ahahha prolly gained muscles from wushu. Hell training T.T Monday 30/6 was my second / third PE lesson throughout the entire year. My stomach hurt when running but surprisingly crunches were easy , like I didn't feel a thing LOL prolly cos of the sit ups during wushu. No wonder my stomach became bigger. My recently gained muscles hid under my fats HAHAHAHAH